The dream is over.

The poker junkie has drawn to his last inside straight, tossed his last chip into the pot and written his last line of poker-related prose directed at making the masses better players through their own volition.

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It is with humble heart that I recuse myself from my position here at the Sun Journal.

No thanks to the editors, let me tell you what.

Jam one roll of chips up their tailpipe (their car's tailpipe, thank you), and you get the ol' wag of the finger.

Figures.

They just couldn't take it anymore, I guess. Those "classic wordsmiths" couldn't take the fact that someone was writing eloquently about poker.

Maybe I shouldn't have demonstrated the game so successfully at our last gathering. I should have left them at least with the shirts on their backs.

Maybe that's it.

Maybe I'm too good at playing poker.

Yeah, that must be it. Maybe I busted too many of their call-happy, J-8 off-suit raises. Maybe I drew too many pocket pairs, and they're taking revenge on me because I now own their cars, houses and children.


They should have just listened to me. They should have been reading this column and learning how to think through a game properly, how to avoid getting busted on pocket-aces and how to bluff without getting caught.

Or maybe it's an anti-gambling stance?

Gambling is part of the fabric of American life now, and it helps

Let me tell you something, editors. I do know when to fold 'em. That time is now.

To my loyal fans and readers, even though you've never knowingly gazed upon my nerdy-yet-surprisingly-firm backside, I implore you, stay strong in the face of this opposition. Scream loudly for my return. I will hear you, even if I am forced into semi-retirement in Las Vegas (oh darn).

Oh, and readers, one last thing ...

Happy April Fool's Day!

Source: Sun Journal